i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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