why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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