They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
