oh god the rape fog is back!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
