sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
