I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
