is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
