she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
