I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
