I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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