Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
