when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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