margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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