I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
