found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
