If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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