So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
