Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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