i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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