So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
