I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
