1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
