like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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