This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
