I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
