I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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