I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
