New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
