On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
