I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
