i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
