are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
