I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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