it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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