The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
