My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
