how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would fuck him just for his dog
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
