A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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