Four minutes until I can fart!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
