if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
