I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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