walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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