Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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