he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
