just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
