erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
