rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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