Where is the hickey?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
