Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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