you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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