did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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