Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
