everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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